Next week, I will turn 49 years old. I admit that I was focused on turning the big 5-0 next year, but then my friend pointed out that my fiftieth year actually begins when I turn 49. I realized she was right – my birthday signifies the end of the forty-ninth year and the start of the fiftieth. That got me thinking. What did I want to accomplish before I turn 50? There are a couple of things that I want to complete before my next birthday. But the more I thought about it, the question became: how do I want to feel as I live out my fiftieth year?  

I’ve always looked at my birthday like New Year’s Day, as a time to take stock and set resolutions. My birthday falling close to the mid-year mark also gives me a chance to evaluate the year so far and hit reset in many ways. At the beginning of most years, I pick a word to set the tone for that year. At the start of 2023, I was sick and so I never got around to picking a word. But for the past few months, the word “alignment” has been speaking to me. And when I say that I mean it’s been popping up everywhere, in various books, devotionals, and prayers I’ve read. It’s like the word has been stalking me. Jumping up and down, waving and yelling for me to notice it. And so, as I have so many times before when a word decides to vie for my attention, I looked up the definition. Alignment is defined as (1) arrangement in a straight line, or in correct or appropriate relative positions or (2) a position of agreement or alliance. (Oxford Languages). I can work with these definitions. I’ve decided to make alignment my word as I embark on my fiftieth year.  

I want to make decisions that are arranged in appropriate relative positions to the life I want to lead. I can’t give the same amount of attention to everything. I need to prioritize my commitments so that I invest my energy into the people and communities I hold most important. When I determine whether to say yes or no to a request, I hope to feel that my choices agree with who I am and who I want to be.  That my actions are in sync with my values and beliefs. I’d like to be in an alliance with myself as well instead of acting as my own worst enemy. To support myself by striking a balance so that I feel satisfied. I want to be in right relationship with me. 

When I am in alignment, I know it. I feel it. Sometimes I ignore my need to be in alignment though. I agree to do something because I want others to like me, or I think I “should” do it based on other’s standards. But if I’m not acting authentically, if I’m not being true to myself, I will be out of alignment and open the door for resentment and discontent. A particular quote from Oprah caught my eye during this time of discernment: “The meaning of wisdom for me is recognizing the moment when what you know aligns perfectly with what you feel.” Sounds on point to me.

So, during this upcoming fiftieth year, I will focus on attaining alignment with myself. Not perfection because that’s impossible, just simply seeking more alignment. I’m pretty sure I’m old enough to have earned it.