Monthly Archives: April 2024

Apr16

Love Can Be Messy

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On Sunday afternoon, I stopped by the Frisco Mercantile. This is a large, former box store, that contains individual retailer booths that sell everything from antiques to new clothes to woodworking and art. I love wandering around there when I’m not in a hurry. It is a little like a maze, but I try to weave my way down all the aisles, past all the booths. As I neared the end of my trip, I realized I hadn’t found one of the booths that I specifically wanted to visit because they sell a brand of handbags that I like. I headed to the area where I thought the booth was located. As I rounded the corner, I noticed a tote that said LOVE in bold brown letters. That’s the one I want, I thought. Then, I realized that LOVE was sewn onto a stark white background. I thought about how dirty the white part of the bag would become after I used it. I stood there, second guessing myself, but then I decided I didn’t mind if the bag becomes dingey or stained because love itself can be that way. 

Love may be rooted in romance, family, friendship, or community, but even at its best, it can be messy. Preparing a meal to share with loved ones creates dirty dishes and the real possibility of someone staining their clothes with dropped food (usually me). The first time one of my babies pooped up their entire back or my toddler walked toward me as they prepared to throw up, I knew love came with some unpleasant but necessary elements and obligations. These days it’s the soaking wet, sweaty clothes after basketball practice that I must carefully carry to the washing machine. Love can be amazing, but it won’t ever be perfect or pristine.         

Then again, love is not always easy. We’ve all gone through difficult times in relationships. Times of disagreement, misunderstanding, or poor communication. We may end up with tear-stained pillows from crying ourselves to sleep. We will probably experience hurt feelings. Someone may say something that sticks to us, and we find it hard to shake it off. We may feel unappreciated or undervalued, even by the youngest people in our lives (aka our children).   

At times, we must get down in the muck to make love work. For the record, I’m not talking about physically, mentally, or emotionally abusive relationships. I’m talking about the majority of relationships that have a good foundation but still need tending to keep them steady. To get through problems, we may need to do a little scrubbing so to speak. Admit we were wrong or contributed to the situation. We may have to apologize. We may need to go to therapy individually or with the other person.  

White fabrics may also turn yellow over time. If we take our relationships for granted, they may become discolored, unrecognizable compared to what they used to be. But we can avoid that result by appreciating our loved ones, telling them we love them, and showing them with our actions. We can also help love grow by encouraging our loved ones as they mature and change.

So, I bought the LOVE bag, and I admit I’ve found myself being a little bit more careful with this tote than normal. I don’t throw it in the car floor haphazardly like I usually do. I know that it will still get messy, but I want to respect and cherish love, on the tote and, most importantly, in real life.       

Apr7

The Spiritual Journey

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Do I have enough journals to serve me for years in advance? Yes. Do I still love to get journals from friends as gifts? Yes. Do I still look at journals when I’m out shopping? Yes. And do I still buy journals for myself? Yes, I do. So, now that I’ve confessed all that, I’ll tell you about my latest journal shopping. I was in Walgreens to pick up meds, and they actually have a pretty good journal section. I came face to face with one that said, “My Spiritual Journey.” My immediate thought was “my spiritual journey won’t fit inside that journal.” While the inside of the journal itself contained a useful guide for daily scripture reading, thoughts, and prayers, I remained stuck on how our spiritual journeys are anything but simple. 

As is often the case, my focus on a word led me to look up the definition. Journey is defined as “something suggesting travel or passage from one place to another” or “an act or instance of traveling from one place to another” (merriam-webster.com). Perhaps it’s the phrase, “from one place to another” that sometimes throws us off kilter when it comes to a spiritual journey. We are so concerned about progress and goals and success in our world that we try to apply those standards to our spiritual lives as well. But measuring progress in spiritual terms is not easy, if not impossible. 

All of the classic travel metaphors apply. At times, we find ourselves in the spiritual wilderness, feeling scared and lost, unable to find our way out of the struggle. Sometimes, in the desert, feeling far from God and abandoned, thirsting for spiritual replenishment but finding none. We may feel like we’re drowning in doubts or that God is not helping us through life’s storms. Occasionally, we may find ourselves on a mountaintop when we feel we’ve had an aha spiritual moment.

Yet, we spend most of our time living in the ordinary, everyday. We can find contentment in the normal rhythms of life. We can make steady progress in our spiritual journey when we pray, worship, and gather in communities. But that can feel stagnant at times too. We may feel as though we’re doing nothing because nothing is “happening.” It’s not like we arrive at a destination so that we can say our journey is complete. We don’t get a promotion or a raise to show our faith has increased. We don’t even get gold stars. 

Many years ago, I struggled with the fact that I did not fully trust God. I just kept thinking if I could only trust God with all my heart and mind, everything would be okay. I thought if I could trust God completely then all would be well, and I would escape worry and anxiety. Then one day, I realized I’m never going to trust God completely without doubt. It just wasn’t going to happen, particularly given my personality. All of a sudden, I knew that my goal was to trust God more and more every day as I matured in my faith, but that I would never feel like I’d completely made it and accomplished my goal. In that moment though, I felt such relief. My spiritual journey was not something to check off a list when complete. It would never end. It would always be ongoing. And there would be good and bad times. 

I’ve filled many journals with prayers and joys and anxieties and anguish. I’ll continue to write my thoughts and feelings down in the journals I have and the ones I will acquire later. Our spiritual journeys are long and winding and can fill volumes, and God is with us the entire way.