My eleven-year-old son Alex had a huge martial arts test coming up, and he was nervous, as to be expected. He’d prepared for months but this test was different than anything he’d experienced in his martial arts journey up to that point because he’d reached the highest level and rank black belt possible before he turns twelve. This test was the precursor to the test later in the summer after he turns twelve. He had to pass this test or he wouldn’t be able to test later to move up. 

Alex is a sensitive soul and was well aware that the only thing that could stop him was if he got in his head. He comes by his anxiety naturally. A few days before the test in an effort to empathize, I said, “you know I get in my head too.” He shot me a look from the passenger seat said, “I know that!” Obviously. 

On the day of the two hour examination, I sat in my car in the pouring rain waiting until the testing was over because spectators were not allowed to watch.   When it looked like some people had emerged from the studio, I went up and sat on a bench glancing into the window. Alex saw me and shook his head ever so slightly. I thought he was warning me not to enter prematurely. But then his instructor came out to talk to me. I thought “oh no, what happened?” He explained that Alex had gotten upset at one point during the exam when he was holding a target for another student. Even though he said Alex was holding the target just fine, Alex got a bit emotional and acknowledged he was in his head. With his teacher’s encouragement, Alex had recovered and finished though. At that point, I watched helplessly through the window as Alex approached the judge who was delivering the news. 

When Alex turned around, he was elated that he’d passed, but when he got to the car, he let all his emotions out and explained what had happened. He confirmed that the breaking point occurred when he was holding the target for his friend because he felt he was doing it wrong. And he was so scared that he would hurt her chances of passing. He said he apologized over and over because the thought that he might cause her to fail was overwhelming. I told him that I was sorry he’d had a tough time but that I admired him for caring so much about the other person’s success. I told him most people wouldn’t have given the other person a second thought. They would’ve focused only on their own success. 

I can’t help but wonder what our world would be like if we truly believed that our success is tied others’ success. If we truly cared enough to do everything in our power to help others. I am so proud of Alex for passing his test, yes, but more importantly for his effort, resilience, and his caring heart.