On Sunday afternoon, I stopped by the Frisco Mercantile. This is a large, former box store, that contains individual retailer booths that sell everything from antiques to new clothes to woodworking and art. I love wandering around there when I’m not in a hurry. It is a little like a maze, but I try to weave my way down all the aisles, past all the booths. As I neared the end of my trip, I realized I hadn’t found one of the booths that I specifically wanted to visit because they sell a brand of handbags that I like. I headed to the area where I thought the booth was located. As I rounded the corner, I noticed a tote that said LOVE in bold brown letters. That’s the one I want, I thought. Then, I realized that LOVE was sewn onto a stark white background. I thought about how dirty the white part of the bag would become after I used it. I stood there, second guessing myself, but then I decided I didn’t mind if the bag becomes dingey or stained because love itself can be that way. 

Love may be rooted in romance, family, friendship, or community, but even at its best, it can be messy. Preparing a meal to share with loved ones creates dirty dishes and the real possibility of someone staining their clothes with dropped food (usually me). The first time one of my babies pooped up their entire back or my toddler walked toward me as they prepared to throw up, I knew love came with some unpleasant but necessary elements and obligations. These days it’s the soaking wet, sweaty clothes after basketball practice that I must carefully carry to the washing machine. Love can be amazing, but it won’t ever be perfect or pristine.         

Then again, love is not always easy. We’ve all gone through difficult times in relationships. Times of disagreement, misunderstanding, or poor communication. We may end up with tear-stained pillows from crying ourselves to sleep. We will probably experience hurt feelings. Someone may say something that sticks to us, and we find it hard to shake it off. We may feel unappreciated or undervalued, even by the youngest people in our lives (aka our children).   

At times, we must get down in the muck to make love work. For the record, I’m not talking about physically, mentally, or emotionally abusive relationships. I’m talking about the majority of relationships that have a good foundation but still need tending to keep them steady. To get through problems, we may need to do a little scrubbing so to speak. Admit we were wrong or contributed to the situation. We may have to apologize. We may need to go to therapy individually or with the other person.  

White fabrics may also turn yellow over time. If we take our relationships for granted, they may become discolored, unrecognizable compared to what they used to be. But we can avoid that result by appreciating our loved ones, telling them we love them, and showing them with our actions. We can also help love grow by encouraging our loved ones as they mature and change.

So, I bought the LOVE bag, and I admit I’ve found myself being a little bit more careful with this tote than normal. I don’t throw it in the car floor haphazardly like I usually do. I know that it will still get messy, but I want to respect and cherish love, on the tote and, most importantly, in real life.