Category Archives: Christianity

Oct8

Lessen the FOMO

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The other day when Facebook and Instagram crashed, I found myself quite irritated that the services weren’t updating.  I didn’t know that the outage was global though.  I fiddled with the settings on my phone assuming my Wi-Fi or cell service were problematic as I tried to refresh the social media sites several times.  I was frustrated because I thought the problem was mine.  Finally, I looked on the internet to see if the outages were widespread and was relieved to know that they were.  It wasn’t an issue on my end after all.  I felt relieved to know that if I couldn’t get FB and IG to work, then other people and organizations couldn’t either.  I realized I’d had a fear of missing out (FOMO) on what was going on in the world, but I wasn’t missing anything.  We were all experiencing the same thing – no one could post, no one could share, no one could update.  

I don’t relish the fact that I had FOMO based on a few hours without social media.  Perhaps I need to assess the time and effort I dedicate to social media sites.  But more telling to me was that my first reaction was to assume the problem was mine alone. And that thought persisted for hours before I even considered that others, that the world, in fact, faced the same predicament.  I worried that the rest of the world was going on without me, and honestly, I felt left out. 

Isn’t that often the way we approach life?  We think others are having fun without us; that our friends are gathering without inviting us; that we are missing out on the good things in life that others have in abundance.  And sometimes our first thoughts are that there is something wrong with us. That missing out is our fault.  If I were prettier, skinnier, more popular, less annoying, more engaging, less introverted, had more money, a better job or fancier education, then I wouldn’t be left out.  I would be included – if only I could…fill in the blank. 

And yet, if we stop for a second and really think about it, others may experience similar emotions.  My FOMO may result from rejection in the past, so I worry I’ll be tossed aside again.  My friend’s FOMO may be rooted in feelings of inadequacy they learned as a child.  And if others exclude us on purpose, they are probably acting out of their own fears or insecurities. We fear missing out on different things for different reasons, but we probably all have FOMO about something, and we’ve all blamed ourselves. Instead of realizing that we may not actually be missing out in the first place and that it may not be because of anything we did or who we are, we continue to live in isolation and dread.  

God designed us to live in community together, and FOMO is real because we want to be in relationship with others.  But God doesn’t want us to berate ourselves or focus on our perceived inadequacies when we feel the twinge of FOMO creeping in.  We are God’s beloved children, and he wants us to believe that we are worthy and valuable.  If we can more readily accept that we are important in the eyes of God, we can then engage with others without dwelling in the fear of not being enough.          

The next time we experience FOMO, let’s remember that we belong to God, and that he loves us beyond measure.  Then, we can assess what’s happening in the situation and how we feel without picking ourselves apart and causing unnecessary damage to our hearts and minds.    

Jun18

Little Love Notes

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Every year before my kids go to camp, I buy a small journal for each child and write a note for each day of camp.  In that way, they will have a message from me every day even if they don’t receive an email or card from me on that particular day.  I started this tradition when my oldest child went to camp for the first time, not contemplating the time when four of them would go together for three weeks.  The notes are short, but sweet.  I tell them I’m proud of their kind natures and their ability to make friends; I remind them of activities I enjoy doing with them; I tout their accomplishments from the prior year; I encourage them to have confidence and believe in themselves.  I knew my daughter Riley loved the notes and referred back to the journals on occasion.  I wasn’t sure my boys cared at all until eight-year-old Alex told me he liked reading his book and looking at the stickers I’d included for decoration.  Alex’s comment made me feel like my efforts to celebrate them were worth all the work to write the multitude of notes.  

Growing up in church, I heard a lot about God’s judgment.  I even recall imagery about God writing all of our transgressions in a book, waiting until we confessed our sins in order to wipe the slate clean (as if God would actually employ the human concept of record keeping in a book).  Despite our collective belief in Jesus, the focus pointed to retribution, not grace.  The concept that God only kept count of the bad things caused shame and anxiety for me considering my tendency to focus on the negative.  I learned to fear God’s wrath and punishment.  As a result, I struggled to view God as a loving parent when God was portrayed as a far-away entity who eagerly hoped to catch me doing or thinking something wrong. 

As I’ve grown older and my faith has matured, I’ve come to understand that God is love and grace and mercy.  And that while God wants us to do good and make moral choices, God is not gleefully lying in wait for us to screw up.  Instead, God hopes we show others love in response to the love God has for us.  If God had a book, I believe God’s notes to us would be uplifting and supportive, not a list of all the times we’ve messed up.  What would God’s love notes to us be?  Perhaps something like – “I was proud when you helped that stranger today” or “I enjoyed spending time with you when you prayed last night” or “Believe in yourself because I believe in you” or simply “Remember, I love you.”

God wants to have a relationship with us that is deep and strong and ever growing.  God’s love is the foundation of that relationship.  God will guide us back to Him when we do something wrong because God loves us, not because He wants to trap us.  Let us believe that God is constantly sending love notes to us so that we better believe in our own goodness and then, with confidence, share God’s love with others.     

Nov20

God’s Rest in this Season

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The kids and I are ready for a break.  Thanksgiving is on the horizon, so close we can almost taste it.  But before we can get there, the kids have tests and projects to do.  A big push prior to the week off for the holiday.  This Thanksgiving will differ from years past.  We won’t travel to visit relatives or go on vacation.  I will miss seeing my family, but I admit I relish the idea of a week of doing nothing.  I don’t want to wake up early or worry about homework.  We all need a good rest.  

The concept of rest is elusive at times.  Especially during the holiday season, we may anticipate time to relax and enjoy life, but often we encounter stress and busyness.  This year, the regular holiday stress is compounded because don’t know what we can do, and we feel exhausted from the events and crises of this year.  We enter into the season with a weariness that is (in the most used word of the year) “unprecedented.”

Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  Matt. 11:28-30.  I’ve always liked that verse, but I’ve struggled to put into practice.  I find it difficult to seize upon that rest that God offers because I don’t feel at rest.  At least, I don’t feel rest in the traditional sense of “no stress relaxation with nothing to do and nowhere to be” that usually comes to my mind.  

One definition of rest is to “cease work or movement in order to relax, refresh oneself, or recover strength.”  A second definition of rest is to be “placed or supported so as to stay in a specified position.” (lexico.com).  I thought of an armrest or a footrest.  Or when I nursed my babies and propped them up on pillows so they would stay in one place. What if Jesus means that when we come to him weary and burdened, his rest will not provide an absence of stress, but that he will prop us up in our time of need.  God will support us when we feel overwhelmed. God will keep us standing when we want to falter.  God will arrange the metaphorical pillows to keep our crushed bodies in stable positions.  When our minds are overtaxed and we need to let the tears flow, God will hold us tight in his arms.   

Perhaps as we rush into the holidays, we can reflect on this image of God as our upholder.  We can rest on God and know that God’s got us even when we don’t necessarily feel peaceful or calm.  God loves us and will not leave us alone to fall when we are exhausted in body, mind, and spirit.   Let’s be thankful for God’s “gentle and humble” heart.  

May15

The Shouting

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One of the results of the Covid-19 quarantine is that our family has many more meals together.  In normal times, we try to have as many family meals as possible, but it’s hard because we have so many activities scheduled.  On any given night, we might have dance class, karate, soccer or basketball practices.  Lately though, all six of us have been home constantly, and while each of us grabs breakfast individually upon waking up, we sit at the table for both lunches and dinners.  For the most part, it’s been a good change to have this extra family time at meals, but it’s not always idyllic.  In fact, mealtimes can be boisterous to say the least.

All four of the children have many, many things to say, and frequently, they feel the need to say those things at the exact same time.  And, in order to be heard, they raise their voices. They get loud.  They talk over each other, which makes the conversation grow even louder. Inevitably, Ben or I will tell them to quiet down.  Of course, in order for the children to hear us, we must talk loudly as well, only adding to the noise.

At times, I’ve noticed that someone will feel upset that no one listens to him or her.  The sadness in their eyes gives it away.  As parents, we will stop the conversation and allow the neglected child to talk.  But we aren’t perfect in granting each person equal time to speak.  On occasion, the discussion can turn ugly.  One child will try to silence another by barking, “shut up” or hurling some other insult.  This starts a back and forth exchange, in which Ben or I must intervene.  They compete for attention.  They clamor for recognition.  If they can get another person to listen, they feel affirmed.  If they don’t feel heard, they will talk louder and louder until they are almost shouting.

To me, our table feels like a microcosm of the world these days.  Many of us talk as loudly as possible, screaming over one another, not listening to each other, and then the insults roll off the tongue with ease.  We fight but feel unheard.  We worry about scarcity, so we forcefully demand our share.  We argue and insist on being right because to be wrong means we must admit failure or offer an apology.  And to say we’re sorry exposes us to too much vulnerability.  We desperately crave recognition because we want to feel worthy and loved.  The holes in our hearts and souls push us to shriek for attention and ignore the cries of others seeking the same.

Yet, God does not require us to shout others down or yell the loudest for him to hear us.  We don’t need to compete for God’s attention, although I don’t know how God does it. The scene from the movie Bruce Almighty comes to mind when millions of prayers inundate his email in record time.  I’ve watched people go about their travels in crowded airports and thought about how God could listen to every single one of us at that exact moment.  It’s baffling for our minds, but I believe that God listens to all of us at any given time.  When God taught us to pray, he didn’t say take a number and wait in line.  He didn’t tell us that only those with power or money or social significance could approach him in prayer.  We don’t have to “win” the argument before God will listen. We don’t need to scream.

I wonder what would happen if we believed God when he says he will listen to us.  Could we take a calming breath and rest in the assurance that God loves us and finds us worthy?  We wouldn’t have to beat all the people with our words or our fists to find value in God’s eyes.  One of my favorite passages in the Bible is when God tells Elijah to go out to the mountain and wait for God to approach.  First, there is a strong wind that shatters rock followed by an earthquake and then a fire, but God is not found in any of those powerful elements. Finally, there is a gentle whisper, and Elijah knows God is speaking.  I Kings 19:11-13.  If God can speak in a whisper, then maybe we can lower our voices with one another and approach God knowing he hears us when we speak.

God is the source of our value and worth.  If we can believe that God loves us and gives us his full attention, then maybe we can stop the shouting and better live in peace and harmony.