Our clothes dryer wasn’t working well, and I was irritated. I’d changed out the flexible vent tube behind the dryer and the lint trap. But it was still struggling. The dryer is the hero in this story though. I googled the symptoms of my dilemma and discovered that there was a duct in the wall that could be clogged. I had no idea about this duct winding its way in the wall back there. I assumed the outgoing air went directly to the outside of the house because the outside vent was directly behind the inside vent. I ordered a cleaning kit from Amazon that arrived overnight and then went to work the next morning. Let me say, the amount of wet lint that came out of that duct was disgusting. My boys thought it was gross, so that’s saying something. And it was frightening. We could’ve had a fire, a bad one. The dryer stopped heating to prevent a fire. Thank the Lord. 

I thought, I need to put out a PSA on social media. I’ve been a homeowner for over twenty years and didn’t know! I thought perhaps others needed to know about this potentially dangerous situation. But then I hesitated. What if I was the only one who didn’t know about this? I might look like an idiot. I could embarrass myself by sharing that story. I was spiraling with the what if’s and feeling like a bad mom for not realizing my mistake.

Perhaps my reaction is indicative of a larger problem though. We tend to put our best selves forward, especially on social media. We don’t want anyone to see our foibles, and we don’t want to admit our mistakes. Yet, we end up feeling isolated and alone believing we are the only ones going through whatever situation we face. I recently told a new mom that the newborn stage is emotional and exhausting. That I couldn’t believe I’d been so frustrated, almost angry, with baby Riley when she got her days and nights completely turned upside down. I was so tired and didn’t know what I was doing in those early days. She said no one seemed to understand how hard it was. But that’s because we don’t share our stories. Almost any mom if pressed would confess that those early days can be heaven and hell at the exact same time. When we see a newborn though, especially after our own kids are older, we coo and fawn over the baby and sometimes forget to support the mom who might be struggling. 

It’s the same experience in lots of other circumstances. We aren’t real with one another because that would make us vulnerable and expose our emotions. I try to be real with people so they can be real with me, so we can understand that we are not traveling difficult roads alone. Sometimes, there’s not a bright side on the near horizon and that’s okay. To let others know we will walk with them in the darkness without attempting to fix things or put on a happy face is the best medicine at times. To say, this really sucks and I’m sorry, may be the only thing that helps, so they don’t have to pretend that they’re okay when they aren’t. 

Life can be hard. It can be really hard when we feel alone. Let’s try to be more open and honest so that we can lift each other up. We can be real. We can ask for and give understanding. Our stories can help others avoid the same pitfalls we’ve endured. And maybe, go clean the dryer duct behind your wall so I feel my ignorance served a higher purpose in some small way.