My son Alex and I entered Walgreens just as a mom and her daughter exited. The girl was about four or five years old, with long brown hair, and she trailed behind her mom several steps. “Pick up the pace,” her mom called. At that moment, I passed by the girl and smiled down at her. She looked up at me, and grinned, twinkle in her eyes. The mischievous look on her face told me that she had no plans to speed up at all. 

I sympathized with the mom because I have a child who moves slowly as well. We must harass him to get in the car to go places. We have to persuade him to get out of the car in a timely manner when we arrive back home, even when it’s hot outside. I’m not sure my son drags his feet on purpose most of the time. He is naturally more laid back than the rest of us. That’s just how he is. But that girl – she gave off the vibe that she knew exactly what she was doing. It was her choice. I’m sure that can be aggravating for her parents at times, but I admired her boldness. In that split second, I thought, “You be you, little sister.” 

The world will try to change her. To make her pick up the pace in every single way. Participate in more activities, then specialize in one so that you can be the best. Make straight A’s, so you can get into a great college and find a fantastic job. Work harder. Be better. Faster and faster so you can do it all. And when you’re an adult, you’ll feel overwhelmed, stressed and like you’re spinning out of control a lot of the time. 

I worry I haven’t done enough to protect my own children from the rat race because I also want them to do well. Trying to strike a balance between achievement and having a life that feels authentic and true is not always easy. I worry especially about the mixed messages my daughter may have received just by soaking in the culture. In the Barbie movie, America Ferrara gives an impassioned speech about the nearly impossible difficulties of being a modern woman, and both times I saw the movie, women cheered out loud in response. They felt heard and seen maybe for the first time. 

I’m not sure what we can do to make life easier for the younger generations. Except to tell them they are worthy and important no matter what they do. That performance is not the source of our pride. To encourage them to embrace effort and be responsible, so that they can build confidence and be proud of themselves. Urging them to love themselves as much as we love them. And maybe to help them understand that picking up the pace is not always the answer. Sometimes rest and self-care are what they need. To balance work and play better than we’ve done as a society until now. 

And when someone tells them to pick up the pace when they get older, they get to decide whether that is the correct choice for them in that moment just like that spirited little girl.