I’d just come home from a quick trip to Arkansas and immediately left for our church’s women’s retreat. This was our first one since before the Covid shutdowns, so I was excited for the retreat but also physically and emotionally exhausted from my trip. We were engaged in icebreakers, which I admit are not my favorite activities, when I made a mistake in front of the whole group. We were playing “Never Have I Ever” and instead of saying something I’d never done, I said something I had done. I was embarrassed because I hate doing anything wrong. So, I complained about my poor performance to my friend Karen. “I messed up,” I said. She gave me a side-eye and said, “I’ll support you later.” 

Immediately, I started laughing out loud. Karen had broken my train of thought that threatened to derail my good time. Karen short circuited my tendency toward self-loathing by pointing out that this mistake was not in any way important. A minor snafu in the grand scheme of things. Both Karen and I had been going through some heavy life events lately. She hilariously reminded me not to worry about something that wouldn’t matter later in the day. That is, unless I continued to dwell on it and launch myself into a shame spiral. Sometimes, we need someone to remind us of what really matters. To put things into perspective. 

We also need to remember that we may become upset about smaller things when there are larger, more serious issues looming. My children are good at calling me out on that. If I overreact to something they say or do, they will say, “you’re mad about something else, don’t get mad at me.” I hate it when they say it, but they’re usually correct in those circumstances. My therapist told me that when we are dealing with big emotional issues, but are also busy with the stress, logistics, and details of a situation, we may release our emotions in other ways, like when we cry at a sappy commercial or become sad over something minor and seemingly inconsequential. Or obsess over a stupid mistake to avoid dealing with the bigger, harder, more complicated issues. 

And there are other times when we stay in constant motion, so we don’t have to deal with the tough situations. Because if we slow down, we’re afraid we might collapse under the weight of the burden. But if we keep pushing ourselves and don’t allow ourselves to rest or decompress, we could end up ill or depressed. Our bodies may make us stop unless we give it the proper attention and take care of ourselves. 

When we find ourselves upset or stewing, let’s first ask if the issue is of paramount importance, and if not, look to gain a better perspective or find the real problem underneath the surface. We might discover that we need to focus on the larger picture instead of lesser matters or that we are fixating on something insignificant. And if it takes a friend like Karen to remind us to get our act together, let’s laugh and say thanks.