Our Goldendoodle Cypress is six years old and displays a lot of human-like traits. Cy has a spot-on internal clock. He might as well be wearing a watch. At 11:00, he lets you know it’s time for his lunch bone, at 5:00 it’s dinner, and 9:00 it’s his bedtime snack. When he informs you of food/treat time, he will hit you with his paw – firmly and without equivocation. He will not relent until you get up to feed him. This is about as aggressive as he ever gets, but you know without a doubt when you’re approaching feeding time. 

Most of time, though, Cy comes to you and gently lays a paw on your arm or leg and looks up at you with his puppy dog eyes. That’s when you know that he needs you to simply spend time petting him. I think he could be content for hours if someone will just pet him. Cy spent the first few months of his life at our kids’ favorite place, Camp Olympia, as part of the Puppies in Training program, which teaches young campers how to take care of dogs. As such, Cy was constantly petted and pampered as a puppy before we adopted him. We joke that Cy’s love language is most definitely physical touch. When he demands attention in these circumstances, he is simply ensuring his love tank is refilled. 

Cy might be on to something. He is attuned to his body and his needs. When Cy needs help or attention, he asks for it. Obviously, he’s a dog so he doesn’t overthink whether he should find his humans and make his needs known, he just does it. What if we acted similarly? When we need something, what if we simply asked for it? Over the years, I’ve heard a lot of women talk about how their partners, husbands, friends, don’t get them or help them. It can be as minor as the other person walking by unfolded laundry for days on end without bothering to take a turn folding. Or it can be more serious when they don’t notice that we’re not ourselves and are struggling.

But oftentimes, we don’t express what we need in our relationships. We expect others to read our minds. If they can’t or don’t, we might feel resentment and discontent. I’ve spent many hours in group settings reminding women that we cannot get our needs met unless we tell people what we need. I’ve explained this to my young adult daughter as she navigates new types of relationships. And I’ve had friends remind me of the same thing when I fall into the same trap of believing someone should intuitively know what I need even though I’ve gone quiet. When we build a wall by refusing to ask for help, we guarantee our desires will not be met. Open communication is the key to ensuring we all come closer to getting what we want or need. 

We can learn lessons in many ways. My dog reminded me that it’s okay to ask for the love and attention we need, when we need it. The people in our lives will feel grateful that we’ve lessened the guess work and given them the framework to help us. In that way, everyone wins.