In September, two of our dear friends from church, Chuck and Jeanie, made a road trip to Montana with a stop in Boulder, Colorado. Our daughter Riley goes to college in Boulder, and they visited her and generously took her out to dinner. To have friends lay eyes on her and hug her neck made my mama heart happy. They’ve known Riley since she was almost 3 years old, and she will be 20 in January. During all that time, they’ve poured love and attention and concern into her. They didn’t have to spend the last seventeen years caring for her and our boys, but they chose to take the time and invest in these children. And our family is the richer for their involvement in our lives. 

I witnessed a similar scene on Halloween night. Our friends invited us to their block party a couple of streets over. I noticed a young man skateboard up to the festivities, and immediately, the men of the group started talking to him about his high school football team and how they’d watched him play recently. They asked about the upcoming game and the playoff situation. Almost two hours later, I looked over and the guys were still talking to the young man who was still engaged and appeared to be having fun. The men were his father’s and grandfather’s ages and even though none of them were related to him, there they were pouring time into him. And I expect the men benefited from talking with him as well. 

I love watching intergenerational friendships grow and flourish. Especially when the people are not members of the same family, there is freedom for the adult to advise without the pressure and responsibility of raising the child. And the young person can listen without feeling they’re being told what to do by their guardians. The adults bring wisdom from their years of living. The young people bring an energy and excitement to these interactions that serve to uplift and enliven the adults. The relationships may never officially be labeled as mentor and mentee, but they provide the same type of teaching and learning in a less formal setting. They’re mutually beneficial and worthy of our time and attention. 

Sometimes, in middle age, we’re so busy taking care of our own children or aging parents that we don’t think we have time for these types of friendships. But I’ve gained so much from these types of relationships over the years. During the summer of 2020, I became the “pool mom” to the high school and college aged servers and lifeguards because it was the only place we could go for outdoor entertainment that season. Everyone was starved for human connection after we’d been cooped up in our homes for months with the Covid shutdown. So, I decided, unconsciously at first and then intentionally, that I would be another adult in their lives that cared since they’d been deprived of teachers during the shutdown. I hope that I made a positive impact on them, but I know those young people brought a lightheartedness to me and my family throughout that summer.       

Perhaps we can all look for intergenerational relationships and be open to the ways we can both contribute to and benefit from them. We can learn from those ahead of us on this life journey and offer bits of advice for those coming behind us. And most importantly, find friendships that fill everyone with love.