Monthly Archives: February 2024

Feb26

What We Don’t Know

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Every parent and child have faced this situation: the child says they don’t like a particular food but when the parent asks if the kid has tried it, the answer is no. And almost every parent says something to the effect of “you don’t know if you like it or not until you’ve tried it.” What happens next runs the gambit. Some parents will attempt to entice their child to taste the food in question while some will give up based on previous episodes. But almost every parent would stand firm that the child can’t form an opinion without experiencing it.  

I thought about this common experience after I watched the Super Bowl halftime show this year. The artist Usher took the stage, and I quickly realized that I didn’t know as many of his songs as I thought. I appreciated his dancing, high energy, and showmanship, but I acknowledged that I probably didn’t appreciate it as much as I would’ve if I’d known more of his music. After the performance, I was surprised by the vast differences in the reactions to his performance on social media platforms. Usher’s fans loved his performance and hailed it as one of the best Super Bowl halftimes ever. Other people said how much they hated his performance. But I noticed that none of the people who disliked his show said they were huge Usher fans but were disappointed by how he performed. I think they were like me and didn’t know much about Usher’s repertoire. Instead of admitting they didn’t know his music though, they said his performance was awful. Sounded a lot to me like the kids who say they don’t like something because they haven’t experienced it.    

I think we do this a lot with respect to artist’s performances, yes, but also in a lot of other contexts. We say we don’t like something when we have not experienced it. We say we don’t like something when we haven’t made any effort to learn about it. Worse yet, we say we don’t like someone or a group of people without trying to understand who they are and what they’ve gone through. We don’t listen to their stories. We feel fearful or threatened based on our assumptions, not informed decisions. 

Instead of jumping to the conclusion that we don’t like someone or something, what would happen if we took a step back and analyzed whether we actually understand the person or subject well enough to make that assessment? It seems like such a simple thing that we expect children to understand the concept. I think we might find that we don’t have enough knowledge to make judgments about many of the ideas and groups that we so easily dismiss as unlikable, undesirable, or undeserving. We might take a breath before we speak out. We might wait a beat and wonder why others have different takes on the subjects and people we disregard. 

I’m convinced that acknowledging we might not know enough before we make a judgment could make a difference in how we approach people and subjects. If we stopped and analyzed our own knowledge, the initial heat of our snap convictions might dissipate. Maybe we could view others through a different lens. Saying I haven’t shared that experience, so I need to know more before I form an opinion is a valid and worthy response. More intellectually honest, with more emotional depth, and more open to the humanity that is in all of us. 

Feb19

Stirring the Spirit

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Our church’s incredible worship leader Regina is moving back to her hometown of Kansas City, and this past Sunday was her last with us. Regina brought a gospel feel to our worship and a kind and warm personality. As we hugged and said that we loved each other, I told her that she’d brought a wonderful spirit to our church. She said that the Spirit was already at our church when she’d arrived. She suggested that perhaps in her role, she’d helped stir the Spirit. And with that, she gave me a last gift to ponder: what if the Spirit is present always, and we need to help stir it up? 

In church lingo, we pray for the Holy Spirit to come to us, to stir our churches, our people, to bring about change, to move on our behalf. I admit that this has caused a struggle for me at times. Is the Spirit with us all the time or does it only visit occasionally? Or is it both? Or do we even have a clue how the Spirit works? I admit that I don’t know. Before Jesus is born, the Spirit shows up for Mary, her cousin Elizabeth, and Elizabeth’s husband Zechariah (Luke 1). Before Jesus is crucified, he tells his people, “But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.” (John 14:26). Sometimes, we say that God is the Creator; Jesus, the Son, is the Redeemer, and the Spirit is the Sustainer. 

I personally like the idea that the Spirit is always with us, as helper and sustainer. I also think of the Spirit as portraying the feminine elements of the Godhead. I don’t have all the research at hand to back me up, but I know I’m not alone based on some of the seminary classes I’ve taken. In fact, in my first seminary class when the professor called the Spirit “she,” I knew I was in the right place. And just like most women, I think the Spirit is working behind the scenes always. 

Whether we think of the Spirit as male, female, or neutral doesn’t change the fact that I believe the Spirit can be an active participant in our lives. That if we invite the Spirit to be involved in our lives, we open our minds and hearts to see how the Spirit is and can be at work. Maybe the Spirit is the source of “good trouble” at times. If we assume that the Spirit is present, then perhaps our task is to ask how the Spirit would like us to help. If the Spirit is always brewing something, then maybe our job is to take turns stirring in the way the Spirit guides us. 

We don’t need to stir in the same way. Regina stirs by singing and playing in a way that moves people. I try by using words and giving hugs when I greet at church. Some of us may teach children; some of us may be activists that stand up boldly for their communities; some of us may take a meal to someone who is home bound. I believe the Spirit is up to something all the time and in all sorts of ways. And that the Spirit wants us to help. Maybe stirring the pot can be a good thing after all.   

Feb12

Warning: Low Battery

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The battery in my car key fob is low. I discovered this issue because every time I turn off my car, it dings several times and then displays an image of a key fob and a battery that says, “low key battery.” I turn my car on and off several times a day. The dinging is super annoying and has been going on for several weeks (months). Yet, most of the time, I don’t even hear the dinging anymore. I’ve gotten used to it. The alarm is warning me that if I don’t do something, the battery will become useless, and the key fob and therefore the car won’t work.  

The metaphor is not lost on me. I feel like I’ve become pretty good at realizing when I need rest and alone time to recharge. I say pretty good, because sometimes I need a reminder. My husband Ben can look at me or hear the tone of my voice and hound me with “what’s wrong?” until I stop and either acknowledge what’s bothering me or figure out what’s causing my discontent. I need Ben to sound the alarm for me at times. 

Recently, I’ve had several friends dealing with heavy matters: job issues, illness, financial crises, family situations, grief, and loss. And then there are the friends who step in to take care of everyone else. Over and over again. They’re all in danger of burning out. They tend to ignore their needs and instead focus on others. They might not even realize what they’re doing because it’s always been their way of operating in the world. So lately, I’ve taken it upon myself to serve as their alarms. I’ve sent several texts saying, “take care of yourself” over the last few weeks. Reminding them that unless they take time to reenergize themselves, they will be unable to function. I’ve ended up physically sick after stressful seasons when I haven’t taken care of myself. I’ve become overly anxious or depressed when I haven’t treated myself kindly.  Of course, when mama goes “down,” it’s more difficult for everyone around us. We can’t mother those we love, whether they’re in our family or our larger community, if we are depleted mentally, physically, or emotionally. 

Knowing what will help sustain and restore us is not always obvious. One of the reasons I haven’t changed the battery in my key fob is because I don’t know what size button battery goes in the key. I also don’t remember what battery worked the last time I changed it. I need to sit down, open the fob, and find out what kind of battery it needs. Finding out what makes us feel better may be a mystery at times. Sometimes, I need to take a nap. At other times, I need to watch a television show that I’ve already seen a hundred times. Or I need to go to lunch with my friends so I can vent or lament. Or journal to get all my feelings out of my head and onto paper. But my ways of dealing with stress may be the last way another person would choose. I flipped through my journal once to show my eleven-year-old Alex what it meant to have a journal practice. He was horrified that anyone would ever engage in all of that “writing,” much less as an effort to relax and refocus. We must spend time figuring out what will help us when we find ourselves slipping into the abyss. 

When we see people struggling under their burdens or those of others, we can serve as the gentle alarm that tells them they are important and need to take care of themselves. Low batteries eventually run out. Instead of ignoring the repeated dinging, let’s help ourselves and others by heeding the warning signs.

Feb5

Trust Me?

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In the book “One Word That Will Change Your Life,” authors Jon Gordon, Dan Britton, and Jimmy Page promote the strategy of choosing one word that becomes the focus of a person’s year instead of creating a bunch of wordy resolutions that we’ll forget by the end of January. My friend Lanna is dedicated to discovering a word of the year that frames her mindset for the upcoming year. So, when I decided that the youth group should engage in this one-word project, I asked Lanna to lead the discussion. She agreed and then asked, “what’s your word?” I hadn’t picked a word at that point even though the new year had already started, but now I needed to go through the process of finding my word if I was asking the youth to do the same. I read the above-mentioned book – the copy that Lanna gave me last year – and set out to find my word. 

I admit I was a bit skeptical because while I’d picked words in some years past, I hadn’t gone through the process of looking in, looking up, and looking out described in the book. The authors noted that sometimes the word will come to you quickly and at other times the word reveals itself with a bit of time. I thought my word would emerge gently and slowly. But suddenly, the word “trust” came to me like a bolt of lightning. My next thought was no thank you. 

I didn’t want trust to be my word because I have some trust issues. Whenever I see a tv show or movie in which one character asks another, “do you trust me?” my automatic thought is no. Obviously the question is not intended for me, the viewer, but no is what I think. On the Enneagram personality type, I’m a six. After the word trust came to mind, I saw a social media post by an Enneagram expert (@enneagramexplained) that had each of the nine types’ responses to “Driving in the Snow.” When confronted with driving in the snow, a type six says, “Nope, I either don’t trust myself or I don’t trust everyone else!”  Another Enneagram social media post (enneagramwithhjb) says sixes are “looking for someone they can trust.” We sixes are loyal once we trust someone. It’s just hard for us to get there. I don’t trust the process or the journey easily. I don’t trust myself, and I struggle to trust God too. 

To me, trust implies lack of control and that scares me. But when I looked up the definition of trust, I read “assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something” (merriam-webster.com). Trust isn’t based on blind faith but built on a strong foundation that I already have with someone or something. I don’t have to trust everyone (not that that would ever happen), and if I have trusted someone, I can change my mind if they prove themselves untrustworthy. I can trust myself more than I have in the past because I know how much time and effort I put into making decisions. I can trust God more because I can rely on God’s character.    

Perhaps instead of letting the word trust terrify me, I can view it as becoming more content with who and where I am. Now that I have my word, I’ll spend this year learning about trust and about myself in the process. Trust me.