This fall, we were watching “The Voice” singing competition during the blind auditions stage in which the contestant sings with the judges’ backs turned.  Singer Tamara Jade easily convinced all four coaches to turn around and request that she become a member of their teams.  When coach Kelly Clarkson made her pitch to Jade, she said, “You’re incredible. … You’re going to be in the finale.”  Jade was obviously flabbergasted that someone of Clarkson’s caliber would praise her in such high terms, but instead of merely saying thank you, Jade said, “I receive that.”   

Her response shocked and delighted me.  When Clarkson paid Jade a compliment, she deliberately chose to accept the positive energy and take it into her mind and spirit.  I thought, I didn’t even know someone could do that.  But Jade’s use of the phrase felt right. 

I don’t always take compliments well.  I don’t think I’m alone in this way.  If someone says something nice, instead of relishing the compliment, we deflect by redirecting the conversation.  Or we may even reject the kind words by shaking our heads or being self-deprecating in response.  Even if we express our appreciation, we don’t always believe others when they praise us.  We may think “if they only knew me” or “they’re just being nice” or “that’s not true” in response.    

Of course, if we hear a negative comment, we tend to take it to heart.  If someone makes an off-hand remark that they don’t necessarily intend to be hurtful, we still accept it as truth.  Even if the person is not someone we trust, we may give credence to their negativity.  We ruminate on the hurtful words, analyze them, relive them, and believe them.  We find it much harder to dispel the bad.  Unfortunately, we allow the negative to infiltrate our beliefs about ourselves.  

In Ephesians, the apostle Paul said, “I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.  Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”  Ephesians 4:1-2.  We have each received a calling from God.  Some of us may know with specific detail what God has called us to do in life, but rest assured all of us have a larger, more general calling to love and help others.  We serve God by loving God’s people.     

Perhaps, we can judge whether to accept the criticism others aim at us by deciding whether it helps us live a life worthy of the calling we’ve received.  If the negativity only serves to tear us down and makes us doubt our worthiness, then we should reject it.  But we can and should accept the positive feedback we receive from others.  God loves us and values us beyond measure.  God works through people, so maybe the encouraging words from others allows God to communicate our value to us.  If we can truly believe the best about ourselves, we will then feel more confident.  When we embrace God’s love, when we accept love from people,  when we love ourselves, we will feel free to share love with other people.     

I want to emulate Tamara Jade’s attitude.  When someone tells me something positive about myself, I will say thank you and then think, “I receive that.”  In so doing, I embrace God’s calling to love myself and love others.  We can all choose to “receive” the positive energy others give us and use it to further God’s work in the world.     

On Saturday, I braved Target to get supplies because the weather report said it might ice or snow.  In north Texas, this usually means we will not see any precipitation at all, but the remote possibility of bad weather sent me and a bunch of other folks to the store.  As I pushed my full cart down an aisle, a woman who worked at Target was collecting items for an online order.  She said, “I like your mask.”  “Thank you,” I said and smiled underneath my mask, printed with the word “Kindness.”  “We really need it right now,” she said.  I agreed wholeheartedly since it was only three days after the domestic terrorist attack on the United States Capitol.  Then, she reminded me that we still have to keep going forward.  I agreed again.  

This woman was happy.  Effervescent even.  You could tell just by the way she talked.  I’m not sure exactly what I said next, but it must’ve been something about her outlook.  Because then she said when people hear her story, they wonder why she is so positive.  Quickly, she told me she’d suffered abandonment and abuse as a child but that her grandparents had cared for her and raised her to overcome.  I was taken aback.  She got ready to move on with her work.  But before she left, she said we had to be a blessing to each other right now.  I told her she’d definitely been a blessing to me.  

I don’t know her name.  I should’ve asked, but it all happened so fast.  In less than five minutes, she left an indelible impression on me.  For people like me, who tend to feel things deeply and intensely, it’s hard to know what to do, what to say, how to be in the face of recent events.  Sometimes, it’s difficult to feel happy.  But the woman at Target showed me a way to take a small step forward by initiating a conversation rooted in kindness and encouragement.

Many of the books in the New Testament are letters from the apostle Paul or attributed to him by his followers.  Twelve of those letters begin with some variation of the greeting, “Grace and peace to you from God our Father and from the Lord Jesus Christ.”  Romans 1:7.  In some of those letters, Paul addressed serious conflicts within the church.  He did not shy away from calling out behavior that he found problematic.  He provided advice on ways to advance the cause of Christ and interact more peacefully with one another.  While Paul’s words were not perfect, he attempted to provide a path for the members of the churches.  But every time, before he got to the heart of his message, he started by wishing them grace and peace from God and Christ.  

We, as a nation, have a lot of issues to address in the coming years.  These problems have been building for a long time and will not be resolved overnight.  And each of us will decide what role we play in the reckoning and recovery.  We cannot shy away from the situation.  We cannot ignore it or give up.  But maybe, we should model Paul.  We should hope that we experience God’s grace and peace while we engage in the tough work ahead.  

The woman at Target had hope, and she was willing to share that with me, a stranger.  She gave me a sense of grace and peace, and I felt that God was present in our interaction.  Let us go into our communities wishing grace and peace upon each person.  Then perhaps, all of us will feel God’s love living inside of us as we work together for a better tomorrow.  

I am writing this at 5:00 pm on Wednesday, January 6, 2021, on one of the darkest days in our nation’s history.  I didn’t think this would happen – honestly.  I thought the rioters would stop at the doors of the United States Capitol.  These people were not protesters.  They were terrorists.  I didn’t think we would witness insurrection of this kind on our soil.  I am simply flabbergasted.  And aggrieved.  My heart is heavy for our country.  

Today is Epiphany – when the church celebrates the day the Three Wise Men met the infant Jesus.  They followed the star that appeared at Jesus’ birth, brought him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh, and bowed down to worship Jesus.  The Magi experienced Epiphany because they came to realize that Jesus was God in human form on earth.  As such, epiphany is defined as a moment of sudden revelation or insight.  

Unfortunately, today’s moment of sudden revelation and insight was not positive or beautiful or magnificent.  When President Trump won in 2016, I heard many people claim that Trump was God’s anointed.  I never believed that.  He is an amoral, vile, disgusting human being.  He could not be God’s chosen.  To me, Trump symbolized how the United States has idolized wealth, guns, bigotry, misogyny, racism, nationalism, ignorance, etc.  Trump has been fomenting hate and rage for over four years.  He tapped into the nation’s hideous underbelly.  Today was the culmination of his words and conduct and those who blindly follow along.  

This is a moment of reckoning.  We, as a country, are selfish; we do not care for the poor and the downtrodden; we are hateful to one another; we do not try to understand someone who is different from us; we brutalize people of color; we do not love as God loves.  We are lost in the wilderness.  God weeps for us and wants us to ask for forgiveness of our sins as a nation.  It doesn’t matter if you’ve never personally done anything wrong – we are guilty as a community, as a nation.  We should be ashamed of ourselves and what we’ve become.  

I do not care if you’ve traditionally called yourself a Republican or Democrat.  We must all vehemently reject the violence but also the motivations that underlie and built the foundation for these terrorist acts.  People love to believe that America is God’s nation.  Not today.  We must wake up.  We must repent.  We must experience an epiphany.  We must learn from today.  We must begin the process of digging deep into our nation’s soul and eradicate our sinful nature.  We must try to show God that we are sorry and that we will try to do better.  We simply must, or we will fall.  God, help us.  God, hear our prayer. 

“Why is it wet?” I demanded.  As my fourteen-year-old son Jed and I began to place the top of the artificial tree on the stand, I felt a wet spot.  I knew the tree had been dry in the box in the garage.  Jed looked at me and then said, “I think the dog peed on it.”  I’d put the three sections of the tree on the floor for only a few minutes, but the dog had seized on the novel concept that a shrub had appeared in the living room.  My sixteen-year-old daughter Riley started laughing uproariously, and said, “this is so 2020.”  

We decided that the defiled tree had fulfilled its purpose after many years of service to our family, and the clear lights that originally adorned the tree no longer worked.  The new tree we purchased also came pre-lit, but the lights on this updated model could change from clear to rainbow colored.  Thus, began the subdued light war between Jed and me.  He likes the multi-colored lights, but I prefer the clear ones.  So, I change them to clear, and when he goes through the living room, he changes them back to multi-colored.  Back and forth we go.  We don’t say anything about it, we just surreptitiously act.  It’s a little like that scene in Disney’s animated classic “Sleeping Beauty” in which the fairies magically change Princess Aurora’s dress from pink to blue over and over again.   

Neither Jed nor I are wrong, we just prefer different displays of lights.  Ultimately, it doesn’t matter which color lights decorate our tree.  They both feel festive and look quite lovely.  It’s become a running joke between Jed and me.  Sometimes in life though, we let our preferences get in the way of things that don’t actually have a right or wrong answer.  This can manifest itself in silly ways, such as rearranging the dishes in the dishwasher when you don’t like how someone else has done it.  But at other times, our desire for a particular outcome or for another person to behave in a certain way turns into an expectation for perfection that we can’t shake.  We impose those standards on ourselves as well.  All of which often leads to disappointment.  

I’ve read a lot of author Gretchen Rubin’s books on happiness and personality types, and she frequently quotes Voltaire, “Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.”  One of my favorite themes of the Bible is how God uses imperfect people and imperfect situations to further his work and demonstrate his love.  We don’t just read about the best days of the Biblical characters, but we see their weaknesses and the ways they messed up, sometimes repeatedly.  God doesn’t allow our human failings to get in the way of the good he can accomplish through us.  And we shouldn’t allow any unrealistic expectations to blind us to the good we can find in others.        

If we focus on the light that shines in others, then we can help them gleam whether they shine in a serene manner or in a brightly colored way.  God simply wants our lights to glow in the darkness for him.  

We keep our Christmas decorations in our small, side garage.  We don’t park a car in this garage because it serves as a storage facility and an extension of my laundry room.  In order to reach the decorations, I have to move quite a few items out of the way – laundry hampers, coats, wrapping paper, a lamp, a box of old framed photos.  I feel like I’m digging a tunnel to get to the decorations so I can excavate the boxes.  Then, I take each box out through the newly created maze one by one to the dining room where we unpack everything to decorate the tree and the rest of the house.

I love all of the trappings of Christmas – the songs, lights, decorations, movies.  Many Santas and snowmen adorn our home.  But sometimes we have to rethink the more commercial and secular aspects of the holiday in order to find the deeper spiritual meaning.  We must focus on the nativity scenes that point us to the true purpose of Christmas.  When we worship during the Christmas season, we remember God’s gift of his son Jesus to save humanity.  When we concentrate on God’s love for us, we grow in our faith and our understanding.    

And hopefully, that understanding will lead us to dig deeper to get to the heart of the matter in other situations as well.  In this age of information and disinformation, we must search to find the truth.  When we feel unhappy or upset, we often must dive deep within ourselves to identify the root of our discontent.  At times, we must look past others’ behavior to discover why they act or speak the way they do.  If we can clear away the emotional and mental clutter of our everyday situations, we can better see the humanity in the mirror and all around us.   

If only digging deeper to discover more about ourselves and others was as easy as mining through my garage to find the Christmas decorations.  In order to go beyond the surface and find true connection with another person, we must reveal our own vulnerability.  So, first, we have to unearth our own feelings, which is not always a simple endeavor.   Many of us stay busy and fill our time so that we don’t find our blind spots.  Then, once we know what we want to express to another, we must take a risk and expose our own emotions and thoughts to the other person.  But that can be terrifying.  We don’t want to look or feel weak.  The fear of rejection and the desire to avoid pain are strong and palpable.  

While we cannot always skirt emotional discomfort, we need to take chances sometimes because our God-given yearning for human connection is powerful and unrelenting.  King David said, “Seek the Lord and his strength, seek his presence continually.”   1 Chronicles 16:11.  God can provide us with guidance and comfort to help us strengthen our bonds with others.

At this time of the year, let us dig deeper to celebrate the love of God as demonstrated in Jesus’ birth and the authentic relationships that God helps us build with one another.  

When Ben and I got married twenty years ago, we bought ornaments for our Christmas tree.  Mostly, we purchased the generic ornament balls to fill the majority of the tree along with a few ornaments to commemorate the year 2000.  As we had children and they grew, we found ornaments that marked their yearly milestones.  Many ornaments display their interests over time: ballet shoes, a basketball, a soccer ball, a karate jacket.  Their grandparents and great-grandparents often provided ornaments for the kids as well.  We began a tradition of acquiring ornaments on our vacations.  Picking out the ornament became a fun part of every trip.  We have ornaments from Washington DC, Nashville, Disney World, and several beach vacations.  We no longer use the generic ornaments.  Instead, every ornament tells a story.     

Now, we have so many ornaments that we can’t put them all on one tree.  They spill over to another, smaller tree.   When we decorate the trees, we do it as a family.  It’s one task I insist we perform together.  Each child likes to put his or her ornaments on the tree and doesn’t want another child to mistakenly (or on purpose) take the wrong one.  We remember the time we had each experience and the people who gave us many of the ornaments.  We enjoy the togetherness that decorating brings.  

Reminiscing can be a valuable experience that provides continuity and ties us together.  “Remember the time when” is usually a wonderful way to start a conversation.  Although this year’s ornament, which has six faces covered in masks above the year 2020, along with a roll of toilet paper and a bottle of sanitizer, will remind us of both good and difficult memories. 

Looking back on the past can prompt us to look to the future as well.  We recall the moments we cherished and the people we love.  We embrace the positive emotions and want to repeat them.  We think about how we can create similar memories going forward.  

And with all of those recollections come feelings of gratitude.  Paul told the Philippians, “I thank my God every time I remember you.”  Philippians 1:3.  My friend Becky wrote this verse in a card she gave me years ago while we were in college.  When I read this verse or see the ornament she gave me the year I got married, I am thankful for her and the many other friends who have been there from the start or who have come alongside in the years since to become part of our family and community.  

When we look back on 2020 years from now, we will find people and things for which to be thankful, despite the tumult.  During this holiday season, let’s focus on the good parts of life and the happy memories even when we are apart from each other.  Our tangible reminders, like the ornaments on our trees, point us to those people, places, and experiences that we love.  God has given us much for which to be grateful.  Thanks be to God.