I was shopping in a boutique with my niece when one of the young women working at the store told another employee that her shift was over, and she was leaving. “Love you,” the other college-aged woman said wishing her co-worker goodbye. “Love you too,” she said as she grabbed her purse and headed out. I’m quite familiar with this behavior because my twenty-year-old daughter Riley and her friends have told one another that they love each other for years. Will they see each other in a few hours? Probably, but they say they love each other anyway. Are they blood-related in any way? No, but they say they love each other anyway. Because they do love each other. They are part of a girl friendship, and they share their love vocally and frequently.

When Riley and her friends started this behavior, I was surprised by this generational shift. We did not do this during my high school or college years. I didn’t tell my roommate that I loved her when I left for class, but I bet if I walked onto any college campus today, I would hear, “love you” from many a room. Not that I don’t have women friends that I love. I have close friends from each of my “eras” to borrow a Taylor Swift phrase.

Recently, I had the pleasure of meeting up with three of my friends from my college era in Arkansas. The four of us haven’t been together as a group in ages although I do see some of them more regularly. We keep up on Facebook, so we have some idea of what’s going on in each other’s lives. But the minute we sat down, it was as if no time had passed. Sure, our younger selves would never have anticipated our lengthy discussion about hormones and perimenopause, but we fell right back into a rhythm of sharing and supporting one another. We found ourselves advocating for each other and ready to go to battle if needed. And we laughed and laughed and laughed. I was transported back to a dorm room in 1994 when it would’ve been normal to see us talking and laughing. Thirty years. That’s a long time. Yet it didn’t feel like it had been that long when we sat over lunch for hours until the restaurant started accepting dinner guests. 

When we left, there were a few “love you’s.” But I wish I’d proclaimed it more boldly and loudly. Female friendship is a treasure that cannot be overvalued. I am blessed to have women I cherish from all phases of my life and all geographic locations: college, law school, church. Friends from each stage of motherhood and those connected to each of my children’s lives. And a writing group that has been together for sixteen years. 

If I could speak to my daughter’s and niece’s generation, I would tell them to hang on to those friends because they will be foundational to your lives. When things are going well, they will cheer with you, and when things fall apart, they will hold you up. And from the younger generation, we can learn that expressing our love to our friends is important and beautiful. When we’ve been in the trenches with our friends for a long time, we may assume they know how we feel. But verbalizing those feelings – even if it’s just every now and again and not as frequently as the younger women – can go a long way toward solidifying and maintaining our friendships. 

And to all my girlfriends, I love you!